Just Breathe
by mialuv998
Summary: She thought her promise was just to pacify her scared Sensei. It turned out differently however, Kurenai named her as her next of kin. Which legally meant she was responsible for her son now. “Just breathe. Then we can do it together." ShikaHina
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto._

**A/N:** This is for the challenge issued by AcidCrimson on LJ Community SunnyClouds. Where, coincidentally, I have posted the original version of this fic.

**Just Breathe**

Prologue

He was so small. Hinata caressed his cheek, pulling back abruptly when he tried to suck on her finger. Hands clenched into little fists, curled into his ting body until he resembled a ball. His red face, puffy at the cheeks, his mouth puckered into a pout as he slept, whimpering as he dreamed. Barely even a few hours old, and he had no idea how hard his life already was.

"_Hinata, if I don't…" Kurenai gasped, her breath rasping hard against her lips as she fought to speak. "If I don't make it…would you take care of him." She reached out, clasping Hinata's hand with weak effort. "Take care of him like he was your own. Please! I need__-_I need to know he'll be alright."

"_Yes." Hinata whispered, forcing a shaky smile. "Yes, I'll take care of him."_

That was all she managed before they took her to the Operating Room. Postpartum Hemorrhaging they'd said, most likely brought on by sever preeclampsia, which caused the premature labor to begin with. It was only when they came out with that look on their face-the look that spoke far clear than any words ever could-that she knew another person she cared about had slipped away.

Then they came out with him. His tiny fists jerking in the air as he cried and squawked. She thought her promise was just to pacify her scared Sensei. It turned out differently however, Kurenai named her as her next of kin. Which legally meant she was responsible for the tiny child now.

The moment they placed his little body, bundled tight in a warm blue fleece blanket, in her arms he quieted down and fell back into a restful sleep. She couldn't wrap her mind around this. She wasn't a mother. She was too young to be a mother. She had goals she still had to reach. A life to live! How could she be expected to take care of this tiny little life if she was still struggling with her own?

She didn't know how long she sat there. Her gaze fixated on him as he slept. Such a tiny thing. So defenseless against a world already so cruel. He'd never know his parents. He'd never know how great they were and how much they loved each other and how excited they were to be blessed with him.

He started squawking again, drawing her from the multitude of thoughts rushing to be answered, his head lolling from side to side. The reality of the situation was so surreal. His squawking turned into a high pitched cry. She pursed her lips, fighting another wave of tears, but that was quickly becoming a losing battle.

She glanced around, looking for anyone to help her, but no one was around. "I don't know why he's crying. I can't help him." She whispered, sniffing and rubbing the back of her hand against crying with him. "I don't know what to do!"

--

Shikamaru stood there, watching as she held the bundle aloft in her hands. One hand supporting his bottom, the other supporting his head. He knew the child was a him, because he'd already had a recounting of the days events.

"_So sad, that poor girl." A nurse, mouth puckered sourly, said. She shook her head with sympathy. "What business do they have forcing the care of child on girl her age?"_

_The woman beside her sighed, looking at her over the top of her half mooned spectacles. "She's a Shinobi, the minute she became a Genin she was considered an adult."_

He'd only listened to them long enough to find out what happened. Long enough to know Kurenai was dead and Hinata was the sole guardian of his deceased Sensei's only offspring. Now he watched her study the small child left to her. How cruel fate could be. He smirked in spite of himself. Fate, and all its trappings, seemed only a thing the Hyuuga would believe in. But he couldn't see Hinata believing in fate.

She was too much like Naruto in that respect. For the both of them fate seemed more like a force to opposed. He thought it was incredibly stupid of both of them, but still couldn't help but cheer them on.

A high pitched cry jarred him from his thoughts, drawing his attention back to a very distressed girl sobbing along with the child now cradled close to her body as she pleaded for help. Against his better judgment, he jogged over, touching a hand to a shaky shoulder.

Her head snapped up, tearful eyes pleading as much as her words were. "Please! I don't-I don't know what to do."

"Its okay," he said, moving his hand from her shoulder to rub in slow circles on her back. "Just calm down and breathe. Then, when you're ready, we can take care of him together." He gave her a reassuring smile and felt, maybe, he wasn't really ready for this.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own Naruto._

**A/N:** This chapter has been edited--again--10/16/08. Since I've been taking for forever and a day to get the next chapter out, I decided to at the very least get the last part of this chapter out so the end wasn't coming to an abrupt halt. (I'm sorry Crimson-chan, I'm working on it. I swear I am!)

**Just Breathe**

Chapter One

Hinata stood before the mirror, looking but not seeing the reflection looking back at her. Her hair, usually a thick-bodied mass of ebony-blue gloss, fell limp and dull and tangled around her thin and exhausted face. Her eyes, sunken and darkened around the edges, only gleaned the image in the mirror. It was almost a slept in look.

Except that she didn't look like she'd slept at all.

Yesterday they'd released Kurenai's son from the hospital, giving only a brief demonstration of how to care for his most basic needs before signing him out. She almost begged them to keep him a bit longer. With the stress of her Sensei's death still raw and dealing with the pending memorial ceremony, she didn't want to add to it by trying to take care of a newborn at the same time. Citing he was a healthy baby boy despite his being three weeks early and born under stress, there was no real reason to keep him further.

She closed her eyes, releasing a slow breath as she fingered the soft bristled brush laying unused on her vanity. Everything since the delivery seemed like a blur. The only instances where time seemed to slow long enough for her to breathe was in moments of blooming and overwhelming panic when Shikamaru-san stepped in and reminded her that everything would be all right. First after her initial panic, then again when she was leaving the hospital.

_Hinata hovered just inside the entrance of the hospital, pacing the lobby deep in thought as the baby slumbered in the sling secured to her shoulder and crossing her chest. His soft breathing stayed in rhythm with the thumping of the heavy leather brown satchel bumping against her thigh. The receptionist glanced at her every so often, an eyebrow arched, raising an unasked question. Why was she still here?_

_She couldn't bring herself to cross this threshold. Every time she tried, bile started rising in her throat and her breathing escalated to the point of hyperventilating. Fear, that's what it all came down too. Despite all the years of practice in controlling her fear, she just couldn't seem to do it this time._

_Knowing this child was solely her responsibility the moment she stepped foot outside and knowing there was no one else there to guide her and tell her she was doing the right thing. It was just all too much. The doubts she pressed upon herself ate away at her._

_She stopped pacing, closing her eyes and easing down against the wall to rest her now aching back and feet. She had to do something beside waver on the edge of a threshold, but didn't know the first place to start. When a shadow crossed over her, blocking out the sun, she cracked open her eyes._

_Towering a few good feet over her with a look of sympathy on his usually placid face stood Nara Shikamaru. He sighed, squatting down beside her as she looked openly at him. "I don't expect this to be easy for you. It's probably scarier than hell. But she trusted you to take care of him for her. So you have to do it. And the best way to do it is just one step at a time." He reached his hand out to her._

"_Will you help me?" She asked._

_He sighed again, not really looking her in the eye. However, she didn't care. At this point, she just needed to hear the words. A reassurance the help was there if she needed it._

"_Yeah, I'll help you." _

A sharp rapping at her door brought her from her thoughts.

"Yes?" She glanced over her shoulder when the partition slid opened.

Neji's tall frame filled the doorway, dressed in a heavy black yukata as reserved as his mannerism and severe as his posture. "Hinata-sama," He rumbled softly. "We'll be leaving soon. Your father wanted to know if you were prepared."

"Just about," She whispered, frowning at him. A heavy atmosphere permeated the air when his gaze flickered to the tiny cradle swaying back and forth in the corner of her room. "I just need to do a few more things and then I'll be ready."

He stood there, the silent pause lingering before he continued, his eyes glancing at her before returning to his feet, a strand of long brown hair falling in his pearl gray eyes. "What of the little one?" The little one. The son who was not her son. It occurred to her only now she still had to name him.

She nodded, a hand smoothing down the front of her own black yukata. "Hai, he's ready."

Neji bowed sharply at the waist. "I shall inform Hiashi-sama then." She turned back to the mirror, hearing the soft grating of the door as it slid closed. Grabbing the brush from the table, she started working on the tangles in her hair.

--

* * *

Late spring usually saw the gathering of gray clouds, but today the blue skies stayed bright and clear of wayward clouds. Whether she was grateful or not, Hinata just couldn't seem to decide. A cool breeze rolled through. The green leafed maples edging the clearing swayed to the touch of its invisible fingers.

A multitude of people gathered for the service. The cumulative hum of their chatter rose high above their black clad figures. They milled about, passing with waves of greetings before taking a seat and exchanging words of grief and sorrow for the departed friend. She stayed to the edge of the clearing, far from the thickest throng. Here she could breathe beneath the shade of a maple, far from the questioning glances and narrowed eyes.

She glanced down to the small bundle snuggling into her breast for a bit more warmth. How many knew? How many were still clueless? Shino and Kiba knew. They'd arrived at the hospital not long after Shikamaru. In addition, Shikamaru would've told Ino and Choji about what happened. Anyone else beyond that, she could not say.

"Hinata-chan!" She heard a familiar voice call out behind her. She glanced back to see a head of wild blonde hair bouncing through the crowd before breaking free and jogging over. Her heart skipped a beat, dread and joy pulling her in different directions. She wasn't ready to talk to anyone, even Naruto, but she was still grateful for his presence.

"Ohayo-gozaimasu, Naruto-kun." She greeted as he came to a halt beside her.

Twin warm blue pools smiled down on her, with a winning grin to match. Her heartbeat quickened with a familiar lightness buzzing in her head and warmth spreading over her cheeks. "Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about Kurenai-sensei. I know how hard this must be for you."

A tired, but genuine smile touched her lips. "Thank you Naruto-kun."

"So, uh, what happened with that kid of hers?" He asked. A hand skimmed the back of his head with unease. "Just out of curiosity, you know. No one I've talked too seems to know."

As if on cue, the tiny newborn stirred in the sling strapped around her. A soft mewling cry invaded the air between the two friends. She saw Naruto's brow furrow in confusion before turning her attention to the little body snuggling deeper into her own.

"What was that?"

"Ano…" She pushed back the blanket hiding the baby's face. "It's him."

The twin pools of blue widened in surprise. "Wow, where did he come from? Wait…" His eyes widened a little more as they trained back onto her. "Hinata is he…" Hinata's forehead scrunched in worry. Was it that obvious? Well of course, it had to be if Naruto had figured it out so quickly. What would the others- "Is he yours?"

Her pale mooneyes widened in confusion. "E-excuse me?"

"I know I hadn't seen you very often lately, but I didn't know you were pregnant. Who's the father? Is it someone I know?" Her face burned hotter and hotter with each word spoken. With each word spoken the closer and closer he came, until she stared directly into deep blue eyes only a breath away.

"Jeez," Both of them turned at the same time, spotting a bored and chronically tired Nara. Shikamaru shuffled over, his hands tucked lazily into his pockets. "There are so many things wrong with what you just said; I don't even know where to start."

He peeked over Hinata's shoulder; a small smile tilted his mouth as he spied the tiny bundle. "How's he doing?"

"He's good." She whispered, forcing a smile.

"Yeah? How about you? I hear the first night is always the roughest." He looked straight at her, his brown eyes never wavering as he waited for her answer. It'd be easier to lie and pretend everything was all right, but he wouldn't believe her. His eyes were almost as perceptive as a Hyuuga's.

She glanced down at the little one, taking in his peaceful face as he slept. She smiled, looking back up at him. "I…made it through."

"Yeah," he said, nodding, as if accepting the answer.

"Why do I get the feeling that I'm missing something here?" Naruto piped in, a slight frown touched his mouth as his eyes narrowed on the two of them. Shikamaru sighed again.

"Follow me," He said, tugging hard on Naruto's elbow, leading him away. "I'll tell you _exactly _what you're missing."

She watched as Shikamaru dragged off the confused Naruto back through the heavy crowd until the baby squirmed against her, his head lolling to the side, nuzzling her breast. Rooting is what the nurses called it. The instinct to search with his mouth for his mother's nipple. Which meant this little one was hungry.

"All right little one. Let me dig out your bottle, and then we'll get you fed."

She tugged on the brown satchel hanging from her shoulder, bringing it around where she could reach it, and started to dig out a bottle. Her hand fumbled around until a thought occurred to her. If anyone knew what to name the child, Shikamaru would.

Hinata released the satchel, letting it sway at her side as she scanned the growing crowd for the familiar dark bristled hair, but he'd already disappeared. She sighed, grabbing the satchel again to dig out the bottle. Hopefully she'd be able to seek him out after the service.

--

* * *

"Ow! Ow! OW!" Naruto whined. He floundered about, his feet kicking a bit of dust each time he tried to get a good foothold, his one free arm flapping to keep falling face first into the ground. A few heads turned their way, some glaring, some intrigued by the bit of ruckus they stirred up.

He tugged his arm free with a quick snap after gaining a good foothold. "Crazy Nara…" Naruto muttered as he rubbed his arm. "What the hell'd you do that for?" The blonde barked.

Shikamaru shook his head, turning slowly to face the bewildered blonde, his face looking almost exasperated before falling back to the familiar bored expression. It never ceased to amaze him how utterly clueless the blonde was. Exactly what frequency did his brain work at anyways?

"What?" Naruto's face scrunched up, his blue eyes barely visible through the cracked eyelids, as he glared at Shikamaru.

The bristle haired Nara sighed before answering, shoving his hands back into his pockets. "I don't think anyone could be as thick headed as you." He muttered.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Shikamaru shook his head. "Nothing. Look, that baby Hinata's toting around is Kurenai's."

A partial understanding washed over his face before he frowned again. "But why does Hinata have her baby?"

"Kurenai named Hinata next-of-kin. Which means all responsibility for his welfare was transferred to her when Kurenai died."

"So…Hinata is the baby's mother, but not because she got pregnant with him, but because Kurenai died and left him to her?"

Shikamaru sighed, again. He closed his eyes, mentally fighting off the ache forming just above the bridge of his nose. "Yeah."

"That's a hell of an inheritance." Naruto mumbled. "Why did she leave her the baby?"

"Well it's better than leaving him in an orphanage." He motioned towards Naruto. "You, of all people, should understand that much."

Naruto's mouth curled into an 'O' as his eyes lit with understanding, then-just as quickly-was replaced with a heavy sadness and worry. "She's only sixteen though. How's she supposed to take care of a kid? What did her dad say? Is she gonna stay on missions or is Obaa-san going to take her off the active duty roster?"

Shikamaru quirked a lazy eyebrow at the blonde. How had Naruto even formulated those questions, let alone asked them? Sure a few questions had popped into his mind since everything occurred, but nothing like that.

He shrugged. "You know, I really have no clue. I don't go sticking my nose in other's personal business, so you'll have to ask her. But I really would wait a few days if I were you. This way both her and the little guy can get settled in."

Naruto's head bobbed in agreement. "Yeah." His mouth gaped open as if he wanted to ask something else, then snapped closed like he thought better of it. When he looked away, his eyes glancing through the crowd, it didn't take a genius to figure out who he was looking at.

"Sakura!" Naruto shouted, his face lit up, arms flailing wild above his head as he waved down his teammate. All traces of his previous worry wiped clean with a smile. Shikamaru grunted and nodded his head in greeting to the pink-headed Kunoichi before starting to walk away.

"Wait! Shikamaru!" He heard her call out, tugging sharply at his elbow before he could get away. He grimaced; rubbing to ease the pain on what he was sure would turn into a spectacular bruise later on, and glanced over at her. "What's up Sakura?"

Her eyes drifted away from him briefly, then turned back hesitantly before she spoke. "Have you seen Hinata lately?" She asked. He stared hard at her. Why ask me? Did I suddenly become her keeper or something?

"Last time I saw her, she was enjoying the shade under a tree." He tipped a finger at Naruto. " Ask Naruto. He was there too."

"Oh…" She exhaled hard, catching the hard bite in his voice. Her gaze drifted again, a rosy flush creeping over her cheeks. "Sorry, I just…" She hesitated, a slim brow arching. "You know what; I'll talk to you later. See ya around!"

His sighed as she wandered off, an excited blonde chasing after her. "Wait up Sakura!"

A relative quiet settled around him. The amassed crowd was beginning to settle, taking their seats before the ceremony started. The clamber of chatter settled into a hushed hum. That was until he heard the high-pitched screech behind him.

"Shikamaru!" He cringed outwardly, plopping himself in a flimsy black chair. Ino's voice bordered on lethal sometimes. Especially when she found something to be irritated about. Which was almost always? Just like any other typical woman. He slouched down when she screeched again. "Shikamaru!" This time a lot closer. His ear rang from her banshee-like screech.

He sighed, sliding down in his seat. So much for a moment of peace and quiet.


End file.
